A World Beyond Narcissism
Premium articles on narcissism and other cluster B types. Find freedom and personal power through knowledge of psychology and the practice of spirituality.
The Key Difference Between An Overt And Covert Narcissist
The overt narcissist is the easiest to spot. By definition, they take up all the space with their assertiveness, extroverted nature and apparent confidence. So it is natural that they come to be synonymous with narcissism. However, hiding behind the stage, lurking in the shadows, is the ever-quiet, low-energy covert narcissist — the Robin to the narcissist’s Batman, who secretly harbours grandiose plans to take Batman’s place.
Here we see the two sides of the same coin. Grandiosity is one of the traits common to both the covert and overt narcissist. Both believe they are infinitely powerful and capable. However, there is one subtle diversion. One has aligned themselves with the instinct toward life, the other with the deathinstinct.
To Know The Narcissist, Follow The Shame
The overt narcissist dances and prances over their shame, the covert narcissist dwells in it permanently. If you challenge the overt narcissist’s power, they will deflect, repel, ridicule and fight their way out of feeling their shame. The covert narcissist, on the other hand, has no power in the world, save for the fantasies they harbour in their mind. Unlike the overt narcissist, they were never championed and encouraged to shine. Their sense of curiosity, wonder and light was crushed immediately, leaving them drowning in shame, which eventually formed as the permanent, deadened state known as toxic shame.
The Narcissist’s Twilight Years
A narcissist’s ultimate kryptonite, is time.
The ones who derive grandiosity from their appearance get especially panicked, as every passing year further withers their youthfulness. Some narcissists obsess over their health, swallowing countless vitamins while constantly seeking out the next health fad.
You might hear a narcissist declare: “I’m going to live to a hundred!” Such a mindset comes with all sorts of denial-based behaviours. An ageing narcissist might attempt to jump and skip like a child, risking injury in the process. You occasionally spot an old narcissist frequenting a nightclub or bar, looking to maintain their connection to the youth. A narcissist might also dress decades younger than they are. A tight leather skirt, bright-pink hair or an oversized sports t-shirt on a grey-haired person is a dead giveaway.
Such futile attempts at warding off mortality do not necessarily indicate narcissistic personality disorder. A person might have experienced arrested development in childhood, and continues to dwell in the dissociated purgatory of the past, acting and behaving like a teenager.
Perhaps fear of death is to blame. Many of us have yet to come to terms with our mortality. The mere thought of death sends a shudder through us.
When it comes to narcissists, however, the passage of time has unique stakes at play, along with a certain type of terror.
The Beauty Of Dying Before You Die
For the spiritual psychonaut, an ego death is a beautiful gift from the universe. During an enchanted period in time, your mind goes offline. Who you think you are is eviscerated into the ether. Your past and your future. Your reputation and career. All the worldly things that make you who you are: Gone. All of it. What remains?
Such is the magnificence of an ego death. Without the ability to ‘conceive’ of yourself, everything that you are ‘dies’. In its place, pure consciousness emerges. You notice only yourself. That is, you come to identify with the immortal you who lies beyond your mind and body; your God-Self.
Those who experience an ego death come back with a sense of depth, calmness and inner peace. They also return with their fear of physical death greatly diminished. Why? Because they have peeped into the other side, and it wasn’t as bad as they thought. As a matter of fact, it was wonderful. Now they know the truth.
Ego death comes in various ways. It can be initiated by major crises or breakdowns, psychedelic drugs, and of course, impending physical death. Steve Jobs, the CEO of Apple, uttered the following last words before his death as he passed over: “Oh wow, oh wow, oh wow.”
That pretty much sums it up.
A Lifelong Battle With (Ego) Death
So what about the narcissist? Could they benefit from a bit of ego death?
Letter From A Psychopath
Dear ants,
Your feelings are not welcome. Nor are your morals. Your rules, customs and norms, none of these apply to me.
I do not take part in your society or rituals. Groupthink and herd mentality do not impact me. They are tools for my disposal.
I am a different species to you. You and I dwell on the same planet, yet I exist in another world. More accurately, I dwell above you in another realm. I do not feel what you feel. I remain unhindered by your emotions, and unhinged in my potential to inflict chaos and suffering. Shame, guilt, suffering, grief — those are for you. Not me.
The Histrionic’s Insatiable Hunger For Desire
Oh, to be wanted. Desired. Magnetic. To be irresistible. Who would say no to that?
The woman who has been wolf whistled for the third time that morning may object, perhaps. But for the histrionic, no is never an option — they want to be desired by everyone, at all times.
Narcissist In Disguise?
The histrionic craves attention, and will do almost anything to get it. If they are not the centre of attention, they grow distressed and insecure. This trait overlaps with narcissism, and therefore a histrionic could easily be mistaken for a narcissist. Yet the histrionic pathology goes further, and is organised around a different core wound to the narcissist.
A histrionic is typically highly seductive. They use their body, their charm and their sexuality to draw in a person’s attention. They act sexually, or bring up sex in contexts where it is inappropriate. The histrionic might also be dramatic, lively and over the top. They are the person who, with their potent energy, snatches the group’s attention and aims to keep it. The histrionic may also be obsessed with their health and appearance, always seeking out the newest trend or health fad to stay ahead of the curve.
The histrionic is like a peacock, putting on an elaborate show to draw in unsuspecting admirers. However, we should not be so easily dazzled by this captivating figure. We need to move beyond the show, and delve deeper to truly understand what makes the histrionic tick.
At their core, the histrionic and the narcissist differ in what they seek and why they seek it.
The narcissist wants one thing: narcissistic supply. Sex, affirmation, adulation, services and resources are intended for one purpose: to confirm the narcissist’s grandiosity, and cement their position as the most special person that ever existed.
Dating A Bunny Rabbit: The Age Of The Histrionic
Modern dating is rough. From getting caught in the dopamine trap of dating apps, to competing with thousands of people sliding into your potential lover’s DMs on social media, there is a lot of reason to despair.
With dating apps, people are reduced to being a sexual ‘offering’ among an endless stack of options. As a result, objectification is rampant. Women especially can have hundreds of matches. With unlimited choice, commitment becomes the least desirable option of all.
Narcissism is the 21st century’s new religion. Rather than collectively worshipping one God, or even paganistically worshipping a limited collection of gods, our society is set up for us to worship each other. Social media has created a scramble for narcissistic supremacy, with everyone encouraged to flout their ‘specialness’ by proving how well travelled, financially endowed and adored they are. Perhaps over time, narcissistic power will consolidate into a select pantheon of new pagan gods, with figures like Kim Kardashian and Donald Trump earning their spot. Yet for now, the narcissism epidemic is spreading, and the scramble is on for supremacy.
Less spoken about, is the histrionic epidemic which is emerging in this fast-changing landscape, fuelled by dating apps as well as social media apps such as Instagram. Flooded by endless options of potential lovers, a person no longer sees falling in love as worthwhile. Rather, they fall in love with the idea of themselves, i.e. their narcissistic self, and they also fall in love with the state of being desired.
Finding love leads to vulnerability, accountability, responsibility, and of course, potential heartbreak. When things get frustrating in a fledgling relationship, the mind tends to wander. Even if a person does not actively have a dating app profile, they may still receive private messages online. As the initial shine of their relationship fades and disappointment sets in, the dopamine hit of a new person paying them attention becomes more enticing. This leads many people to cheat, unable to resist the allure of a brand-new, adoring lover.
In other cases, a person may be driven to end the relationship, reassured by the endless options they imagine await them when they are newly single. They set up a dating app profile, and begin to post on their social media more often, flexing their narcissistic self with new outfits, travel shots and photos of them at social gatherings. Eventually, the curious admirers flood in, and the heartache of past relationships fades away.
Why Borderlines Have Terrible Memory
Borderlines and narcissists are two sides of the same coin, and that coin is made up of complex trauma.
‘Complex post-traumatic stress disorder’, or C-PTSD for short, results in a variety of negative symptoms which affect a person’s capacity to remain present and calm in the world. In the case of the narcissist, their grandiose false self shields them greatly from this inner storm.
Borderlines are not so lucky. They suffer the full brunt of complex trauma,which manifests in the following ways:
Emotional flashbacks: The traumatised child is submerged by a constant torrent of negative emotions. A flood of shame, guilt, fear, anger, sadness, despair, self-hatred and more always lurks beneath the surface,controlled by a hairline trigger. These emotional flashbacks are a core feature of C-PTSD. When activated, they take the traumatised person back in time. The person shrinks in stature, regressing to their childhood self. They become uncertain, highly sensitive to stress, easily angered, or mute and unable to assert themselves. They might grow shameful and hide away from the world. They could become numb and have a hard time focusing or engaging others. Emotional flashbacks are so insidious that it can be incredibly difficult to know you are in one. You simply start to feel, think, look and react differently, and usually only become aware long after the fact.
Dissociation: For the traumatised child, reality is often an incomprehensible nightmare. As the pressure builds, the child splits away from reality and drifts into their imagination. In this other-worldly realm, the child can escape their pain while fantasising about a ‘better’ life. Dissociation provides relief, and is a way to numb the chaos emanating from the child’s core. The price the child pays for this coping strategy, however, is high. The child develops poor memory and even amnesia, being unable to recall aspects of their day or even their entire childhood. The dissociated child often cannot identify the nuances in their surroundings. They remain naive to the happenings in the world, and as a result experience immense disruption in their development.
Difficulty focussing: Trauma and emotional dysregulation are incredibly distracting. This naturally results in an inability to focus, since the traumatised child is constantly plagued by the chaos and discomfort within. Trauma also impacts brain development, and is a major contributor to ADHD.
Impulsiveness: Never truly in control of their emotions, the traumatised person may engage in risk-taking behaviour such as unsafe sex, illegal drug use, gambling, over-eating, reckless driving or overspending and materialism in order to regulate how they feel. The traumatised person is also prone to addiction.
Constant anxiety: C-PTSD permanently activates the fight/flight response, and the resulting anxiety is crippling. The traumatised person has a need to always be doing something or working toward something in the future. They can engage in incessant thinking and compulsive talking to distract themselves from their feelings. They might have a hard time falling asleep, with anxiety corroding their capacity to relax. Those carrying trauma also carry a constant sense of impending doom. They catastrophize often in their minds, being bombarded by ‘what if’ thinking.
Extreme splitting: The traumatised child sees the world in black and white. People are either a threat, or a source of fantastic pleasure. The world is wonderful and abundant, or horrible and terrifying. There is no in-between, no nuance in the child’s reality.
With such chaos swirling within the borderline, you can see how they might struggle to function day to day, let alone remember what happened.
Can You Be A Narcissist And Have Borderline Personality?
When grandiosity splits from reality and becomes pathological, then a narcissist is made. Yet grandiosity is inherent in every person.
We all need to have a basic level of entitlement for having our needs met, and even to go as far as having the audacity to dream big. But we need to respect the rights of others, and we need to pursue our dreams realistically. This is healthy narcissism.
Narcissistic personality disorder is a post-traumatic condition rooted in C-PTSD. However, borderline is also rooted in C-PTSD. What’s fascinating about narcissism is that it solves many of the symptoms of BPD. Emotional dysregulation, acting out, suicidal ideation, push/pull, fear of abandonment; narcissism greatly reduces these symptoms through a singular solution: the false self.
How A Borderline Tortures A Narcissist
The borderline and the narcissist go together like a river and water. Firstly, the narcissist has an empty core, and is always seeking narcissistic supply. This can come in the form of sex, attention, favours, adulation or just outright energy.
The borderline is infantile and gushing with energy. Too much of it. The borderline is so overwhelmed by emotions, they seek out people to help them regulate their inner state. The borderline also has black-and-white thinking; quick to idolise people, but also quick to demonise them. The borderline also knows how to play the innocent, helpless victim, because they know that gains them support.
In comes the narcissist, dreaming of being important in the world. The borderline provides the ideal, pre-packaged solution in one person. The borderline has been used and abused by ex-friends and ex-lovers. The borderline is helpless in the face of their emotional dysregulation. They need an anchor, a rock to hold them together in the wild storm of their internal chaos.
Escaping The Narcissist’s Sado-Masochistic World
A narcissistic relationship begins in a utopian state of wonder and bliss, before devolving into a hellscape of ritualistic humiliation, rejection and abuse. As the months pass, the narcissist’s attitude grows colder, their comments more biting, and their abuses more painful. Even the sex can become rougher and more crude.
As the target’s self-esteem plummets from their treatment, the narcissist amps up the abuse into a sadistic fervour, which further erodes the target’s self-esteem, hence reinforcing the cycle.
This raises the question: If someone treats you so badly and disrespectfully, why not just walk away?
Those who know what a trauma bond is understand why a target puts up with abuse. Those who know what a sunk-cost fallacy is understand that the more the target invests, the more likely they are to remain, hoping for an eventual return on their investment. The target’s (magical) reasoning is that the more love they show the narcissist, the more it will heal them both and lead to a happy ending. To the outside observer, however, the target seems like a masochist begging for pain. And in some ways, they would be right.
Welcome to the sado-masochistic world of the narcissist.
Venturing Into The Darkness
So what gives? Why does a narcissist devolve into emotional, sexual and physical sadism? What is fuelling this horrible behaviour? And long before the target invested their mind, body, soul and finances into the relationship, long before the trauma bond set in, why did the target accept the punishment doled out by the narcissist?
The answer lies in two places: The narcissist’s unconscious, and the target’s unconscious. Deep inside both lies a mysterious figure, acting from the shadows, infecting the narcissist and target’s every decision, helping to reinforce the sado-masochistic cycle as it devolves into a chaotic storm of confusion, humiliation and pain.
Every narcissistic relationship has a ‘good’ and a ‘bad’ person. The narcissist knows exactly which one they are, and ensures their ‘goodness’ by provoking the target’s ‘badness’ through shaming, criticising, ridiculing, undermining and attacking the target.
For their part, the target contributes to their ‘badness’ or ‘lessness’ by sublimating themselves to the narcissist. They see little wrong with allowing the narcissist to control their life, have their way in bed, and be the judge of all they do. The target inherently believes that they are less capable and less intelligent than the narcissist. Caught in their idealisation, the target sees the narcissist as the divine answer to all the ‘badness’ they carry inside — even when they are not aware of the fact.
Popular psychology talks a lot about the ‘critical voice’ in people’s heads. This incessant tormenter questions your every decision, judges every facet about you, and reminds you in no uncertain terms how inferior, incompetent and horrible you are.
Why A Narcissistic Relationship Is So Devastating
A narcissistic relationship is a grand fiction built with lofty ideas and dopamine.
A narcissist enters every relationship ‘drugged up’ on grandiosity, exhibiting uncanny confidence and enthusiasm. The narcissist achieves this by idealising their target, dissociating from their repressed shadow, and compartmentalising reality in a specific way — only good vibes and superior concepts are allowed into this grandiosity-fuelled space.
Dazzled by the show, the target lowers their boundaries. They allow themselves to enjoy being adulated as perfect, and revels in being made the single focus of an ‘amazing’ person’s attention. Being idealised is intoxicating. Much like a drug, the idealisation experience gradually overwhelms the target’s senses, until their reality is consumed by fantasy.
Shawshanking Free Of A Trauma Bond With A Narcissist
A relationship with a narcissist consists of layers which, much like endless cloud cover, eventually shroud your days in darkness.
It begins with a bright fantasy, as the narcissist conjures grand visions of love, deep connection, family, success and boundless adventure.
Meanwhile, the narcissist combines this with love bombing, which gradually entangles and suffocates you in a spider web of attachment.
The narcissist then fills your every waking minute with their voice, desires and presence. Every inch of real estate in your mind and soul becomes theirs, leaving you unable to imagine a life without them.
The final layer is intermittent reinforcement, where the narcissist flip-flops from showering you with care, hope and attention, to terrorising, humiliating, confusing, manipulating, abusing and gaslighting you. Much like the person who sits for hours on end in front of a slot machine pulling the lever, you become addicted to the narcissist, hoping that the ideal fantasy they sold you and sprinkled into your life will magically replace their abusiveness for good. That is, you hope to ‘hit the jackpot’ with the narcissist — a jackpot which they promised you.
These four layers meshed together form a trauma bond; a dystopian, pain-filled ‘love’ which targets of narcissism find near-impossible to break free from. As is the case with all narcissistic relationships, a person eventually reaches a point where the pain becomes greater than the pleasure. The fantasy flickers and morphs into a nightmare, while harsh reality seeps in through the cracks.
It is at this point that you might decide to leave the relationship. Yet making a conscious choice is one thing, following through is another. Once the trauma bond has set in, it permeates your mind, body and soul. It is like you have stared into Medusa’s eyes and turned to stone. Every time you try to leave or move on, you are flooded by aches, longings, doubts, fear and yearnings which pull you back into the narcissist’s sphere. It seems like you will never find freedom.
However, by working within the layers of the trauma bond, a person can find hidden doorways out of the pain and confusion. Emanating through these doors are rays of light, shining the way to freedom and transformation.
The four-step process to breaking free of a trauma bond is as follows:
Expose The Fantasy
Targets of narcissism become emotionally attached to the potential of their relationship. That is, they fall in love with the idea of the narcissist.
During the heady first months of their relationship to the narcissist, they feel amazing. They are filled with hope, dopamine and audacity. They build a house of cards in their imagination filled with everything their relationship could be. Because the narcissist is so certain, so energised and so confident in this vision, it gradually becomes what the relationship will be.
Flickers in this fantasy show when the narcissist’s true nature breaks through, which happens more and more after the initial honeymoon period wanes.
A Letter To Those Healing From Narcissistic Abuse
Show me a hero, and I’ll write you a tragedy.
- F. Scott Fitzgerald
Like waking from a years-long coma, to escape narcissistic abuse is to be resurrected. The spell breaks, and you see the world with new eyes. Life regains its vibrancy, hope seeps back into your heart, and for the first time in a long time, you dare to dream of a better future.
Then the honeymoon ends, and the night sets in. You find yourself in a world that has moved on without you, while the aftershocks of your ordeal rise to the surface. Waves of emotion, nightmares, even panic attacks seem to come from nowhere. For a time you struggle with recovery, having good days and bad, occasionally reaching a point of clarity and focus. Other times you find yourself thrust into the fog of despair and confusion. The crushing loneliness feels like it will never end.
As you progress with recovery, you start having more good days, and the flashbacks taper off. It seems like the worst is over. This is a time to reflect, to understand what happened. You draw comfort from the fact that your efforts are paying off. You are growing, and you are healing. You look ahead with newfound clarity, and the realisations hit you one by one. You find that your earlier innocence has given way to an emerging awareness and wisdom. You are maturing and discovering confronting truths about your world. Your eyes are opening.
Something new is also surfacing inside you, having appeared soon after the spell broke. You grow curious about this ‘strange other’, but also unsettled. It trembles your foundations and brings with it an ominous warning. You get a sense that nothing will be the same again, that you are standing on a precipice. Far from fleeing, however, you find yourself drawn within, toward a boundless realm filled with opportunity. You eventually get on with your life, but you cannot help occasionally peeping inside the dark, mysterious cave. It whispers to you, sends ripples through you, and draws you in with its allure. If you go too far inside, however, you quickly feel unnerved and return your focus to the outer world of distraction.
Feeling Alive Again After Narcissistic Abuse
Narcissistic abuse only takes place if you can be convinced to rewrite the script in your mind about who you are and what your life is about.
We all live with a personal myth; a set of beliefs which outline how we should live, why we should live, and who we are in the scope of society. We usually source this from our family and the world at large.
As children, we possess an overabundance of aliveness, and it is the role of family and society to teach us which impulses are allowed, which we should dampen, and which we should outright kill off.
In a free, empowering family or society, we are given plenty of space and opportunity to express our passion, dreams and energy. We can chase goals, speak up for what we need, make noise, take up space, dance, and more. This is the essence of aliveness; feeling that you have a right to spontaneously express your life energy on your terms.
A narcissist interferes with this process for two reasons:
Your spontaneous aliveness makes you powerful, and therefore difficult to control.
Redirecting your aliveness away from life and toward the narcissist makes you a much more efficient source of narcissistic supply.
The narcissist rewrites your script by engaging you and bombarding you with alleged ‘facts’ about yourself in the form of shaming and fear-mongering. They tell you everything you do wrong, question every decision you make, and ridicule anything that does not fit the myth they have for you. If you do not comply, they give you the silent treatment, triangulate or threaten to leave.
Can Narcissistic Abuse Kill You?
People can ‘live’ with narcissistic abuse for years, if not decades. The damage being done, in the meantime, is like a slow-acting poison that slowly kills you.
As shame increases and self-esteem plummets, your curiosity and willpower slowly wither away. To fit into the narcissist’s rigid role, you have to restrict your natural flow of life energy. In short, you deaden the dynamic and spontaneous elements of the Self. You question yourself, judge yourself and hold yourself back. In time, you stop ‘living’ life to the fullest. We all die eventually, but for targets of narcissistic abuse, the process starts much sooner.
Going No Contact From A Narcissist: A Battle Strategy
Going no contact from a narcissist can be a hellish experience, much like cold turkey after substance addiction.
If the narcissist has discarded you, it can feel like losing a limb overnight. The disorientation and sudden pain leaves you nauseous at the edge of a cliff. Even if you were the one to end the relationship due to the abuse, the pain and longings can torture you to the point of wanting to go back.
In any case, a clean break with a narcissist is rarely possible.
Preparing For War
Going no contact is a smart idea. Like a spreading cancer, however, it can feel like chemotherapy on your soul. Without no contact, the narcissistic cancer maintains open channels to continue its spread. This brutal override of your insatiable impulses will, in the long term, save your life.
Once you have declared no contact, the civil war begins. The terrible loneliness seeps in. Sleepless, anxiety-filled nights dominate your moon-lit hours. Torturous ruminations about what the narcissist is doing, and if they are thinking of you, circle you like vultures. The haunting sense of abandonment poisons your blood. The cutting agony of heartbreak whips you like a thousand lashes deep into your chest. The beautiful memories linger before you like a mirage. The warm longings for reunion and wholeness seduce you into wanting to return to the narcissist.
While it might be difficult to see when you are in the middle of it, the breakup is in fact revealing to you crucial truths. These messages are an important facet of the breakup which can be missed by those grieving and suffering. This can keep you from seeing the opportunities for growth which inherently lie within the no contact experience.
Like all wars, you need a strategy, and you need a plan for the ‘day after’. That is, you need to understand how you will get through the worst of it, and what awaits you on the other side.
The strategy for coping with and thriving after no contact is as follows:
Minimise Trigger Sources
This is widely documented already. Delete your photos with the narcissist. Block them on social media. Get rid of objects that remind you of them. Avoid places you went together. And so on. Any of these can trigger emotions, ruminations and longings in you which make letting go of the past vastly more difficult.
How To Stop Being Angry At A Narcissist
In the same way you gave up your power to a narcissist, they continue to control you through your anger. What they say, how they act, how they treat you, what they do and the decisions they make; you have decided that the narcissist can press your anger button in such ways.
Anger is an uncomfortable emotion. It is also stigmatised in society. Being angry, in and of its own, is ‘immoral’. However, being angry at someoneabsolves us of that immorality. They did something wrong, and so we have the right to feel our anger.
Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse Flashbacks And Finding Presence
Narcissistic abuse remains lodged in a person’s body and soul as trauma. At the time of the abuse, the target of narcissism did not have the capacity to process it, since their mental faculties and willpower were compromised.
Overcoming The Dark Depression Of Narcissistic Abuse
Depression is a healing tonic which restores the Self to a point of equilibrium. Remember that while in the narcissistic relationship, you were identified with a grandiose construct, i.e. the false Self of the narcissist. Your old identity was peeled away, and you were reprogrammed with a new, submissive identity according to the narcissist’s tastes. This false identity is now crumbling, and your ego is undergoing a process of grief. That is the depression you are feeling.
Rediscovering Love After Narcissistic Abuse
Love is like God, in that it:
a) Does not need your belief in it to continue existing, and,
b) Is something that is deeply entrenched in our being, whether we like it or not.
A narcissist takes love and shapes it for their own purposes, funnelling it into narcissistic supply. This is what narcissistic abuse is: A betrayal of your love.
Love is the free flow of life energy. We love, or we die. Simple. It is the reason children cling so dearly to their parents. Why people connect, share and play together. Why the target of narcissism stays in a relationship with a narcissist. From our conception to our last breath, we are born to love.
The Importance Of Grieving After Narcissistic Abuse
After the initial high of the ‘light-bulb’ moment passes, when you have awoken to the truth and created distance from the narcissist, a heaviness might come over you, threatening to pull you down into a terrifying abyss.
Grief is a healing tonic which restores the Self to a point of equilibrium, clearing the way for someone new to emerge within you. It is a necessary part of recovering from narcissistic abuse.
The Death Before The Rebirth
While in a narcissistic relationship, you were identified with a grandiose construct i.e. the false self of the narcissist. The narcissist presented you with a confident, bullet-proof persona who had all the answers, and who could conspire with you to create a fantastical future. The perfect love. Success. Family. Anything you dared dream of.
The narcissist also knew the ‘right’ way to live. They judged your every move, suggested what you should do more, and what you should stop doing. They questioned anything about you they did not like. Even your friends and family.