Why Borderlines Have Terrible Memory
Borderlines and narcissists are two sides of the same coin, and that coin is made up of complex trauma.
‘Complex post-traumatic stress disorder’, or C-PTSD for short, results in a variety of negative symptoms which affect a person’s capacity to remain present and calm in the world. In the case of the narcissist, their grandiose false self shields them greatly from this inner storm.
Borderlines are not so lucky. They suffer the full brunt of complex trauma,which manifests in the following ways:
Emotional flashbacks: The traumatised child is submerged by a constant torrent of negative emotions. A flood of shame, guilt, fear, anger, sadness, despair, self-hatred and more always lurks beneath the surface,controlled by a hairline trigger. These emotional flashbacks are a core feature of C-PTSD. When activated, they take the traumatised person back in time. The person shrinks in stature, regressing to their childhood self. They become uncertain, highly sensitive to stress, easily angered, or mute and unable to assert themselves. They might grow shameful and hide away from the world. They could become numb and have a hard time focusing or engaging others. Emotional flashbacks are so insidious that it can be incredibly difficult to know you are in one. You simply start to feel, think, look and react differently, and usually only become aware long after the fact.
Dissociation: For the traumatised child, reality is often an incomprehensible nightmare. As the pressure builds, the child splits away from reality and drifts into their imagination. In this other-worldly realm, the child can escape their pain while fantasising about a ‘better’ life. Dissociation provides relief, and is a way to numb the chaos emanating from the child’s core. The price the child pays for this coping strategy, however, is high. The child develops poor memory and even amnesia, being unable to recall aspects of their day or even their entire childhood. The dissociated child often cannot identify the nuances in their surroundings. They remain naive to the happenings in the world, and as a result experience immense disruption in their development.
Difficulty focussing: Trauma and emotional dysregulation are incredibly distracting. This naturally results in an inability to focus, since the traumatised child is constantly plagued by the chaos and discomfort within. Trauma also impacts brain development, and is a major contributor to ADHD.
Impulsiveness: Never truly in control of their emotions, the traumatised person may engage in risk-taking behaviour such as unsafe sex, illegal drug use, gambling, over-eating, reckless driving or overspending and materialism in order to regulate how they feel. The traumatised person is also prone to addiction.
Constant anxiety: C-PTSD permanently activates the fight/flight response, and the resulting anxiety is crippling. The traumatised person has a need to always be doing something or working toward something in the future. They can engage in incessant thinking and compulsive talking to distract themselves from their feelings. They might have a hard time falling asleep, with anxiety corroding their capacity to relax. Those carrying trauma also carry a constant sense of impending doom. They catastrophize often in their minds, being bombarded by ‘what if’ thinking.
Extreme splitting: The traumatised child sees the world in black and white. People are either a threat, or a source of fantastic pleasure. The world is wonderful and abundant, or horrible and terrifying. There is no in-between, no nuance in the child’s reality.
With such chaos swirling within the borderline, you can see how they might struggle to function day to day, let alone remember what happened.
