A Letter To Those Healing From Narcissistic Abuse
Show me a hero, and I’ll write you a tragedy.
- F. Scott Fitzgerald
Like waking from a years-long coma, to escape narcissistic abuse is to be resurrected. The spell breaks, and you see the world with new eyes. Life regains its vibrancy, hope seeps back into your heart, and for the first time in a long time, you dare to dream of a better future.
Then the honeymoon ends, and the night sets in. You find yourself in a world that has moved on without you, while the aftershocks of your ordeal rise to the surface. Waves of emotion, nightmares, even panic attacks seem to come from nowhere. For a time you struggle with recovery, having good days and bad, occasionally reaching a point of clarity and focus. Other times you find yourself thrust into the fog of despair and confusion. The crushing loneliness feels like it will never end.
As you progress with recovery, you start having more good days, and the flashbacks taper off. It seems like the worst is over. This is a time to reflect, to understand what happened. You draw comfort from the fact that your efforts are paying off. You are growing, and you are healing. You look ahead with newfound clarity, and the realisations hit you one by one. You find that your earlier innocence has given way to an emerging awareness and wisdom. You are maturing and discovering confronting truths about your world. Your eyes are opening.
Something new is also surfacing inside you, having appeared soon after the spell broke. You grow curious about this ‘strange other’, but also unsettled. It trembles your foundations and brings with it an ominous warning. You get a sense that nothing will be the same again, that you are standing on a precipice. Far from fleeing, however, you find yourself drawn within, toward a boundless realm filled with opportunity. You eventually get on with your life, but you cannot help occasionally peeping inside the dark, mysterious cave. It whispers to you, sends ripples through you, and draws you in with its allure. If you go too far inside, however, you quickly feel unnerved and return your focus to the outer world of distraction.
