Why It Took So Long To See Your Mother’s Narcissism
To see your mother as ‘narcissistic’ is a terribly difficult thing to do, for reasons that go way back and which cut deep into our social structure as well.
The idea of mother is that she is a source of security, warmth, acceptance and regeneration. We’re supposed to go to her to make things ‘ok’ again when life gets difficult or painful. She’s the first figure in our lives at a time when we were the most vulnerable and in need.
In short, our survival depended on her. And we knew it. We felt it in our bones. This need was all-consuming. She was the one figure who stood between a Utopian calm and warmth or falling into a dystopian state of pure terror. This might sound exaggerated, but for a child, fear is always at the gate, and mummy is the one who is supposed to make it go away.
The fact that your mother could be a wounded person with a destructive ego construct never entered your consciousness. All you were concerned about was having a ‘good’ mother to look after you.
Children are magical in their thinking, and this ‘good mother’ is a very real part of your psyche. In a child’s mind, this figure is absolutely real, and you seek to connect with it through your own mother. As a survival mechanism, it makes total sense.
As you grow older, this longing doesn’t just disappear. It only disappears if your mother was sufficiently able to play the part. If she was able to nurture your needs and fears and lead you to maturity, the day would come when you realised she was a human being with faults.
