The Effects Of Narcissism On Children
Children who grow up in the shadow of a narcissistic parent experience a kind of role reversal which stunts their development in numerous ways.
For a child to grow up into an empowered and emotionally-mature adult, they need their parent’s support, mirroring, respect and understanding. The child must be seen by the parent for who they are, not for who the parent wishes they were. Because a narcissistic parent is mostly identified with their grandiose, ego-based false self, they have no capacity to empathise and connect authentically with their child’s emotional needs.
The child’s needs remain, however. The child can’t shut them off. In a desperate attempt to secure their parent’s goodwill, the child stops expecting love, support and attention, and instead turns their attention toward the parent. They intuit what the parent reacts to, and adapt their behaviours and beliefs to suit the whims of their parent.
Ultimately, the narcissistic parent is an addict, whose drug of choice is narcissistic supply. To maintain their sense of grandiosity, they expect adulation, submission, unwavering loyalty and services from their children. Above all, they expect never to be challenged in their grandiosity.
This is destructive because the child’s sense of worth then becomes tied to a delusional ego-construct which is not based in reality. The child’s map of the world becomes completely distorted in a narcissistic family. This results in numerous developmental traumas such as:
