How Narcissism Spreads Through Families
Narcissism is a virus that runs rampant within a ‘tribe’ of people who have ‘low immunity’.
Narcissism does not emerge for no reason; it is a reaction to a core trauma of the Self. It is a compensation strategy for survival. It usually begins with a person who was severely emotionally or physically abandoned by their parents. They experience a fall from grace, a rupture in the childhood ‘Garden of Eden’.
As children, we live within a secure bubble, convinced that we are all-powerful and immortal. Slowly but surely, reality creeps into that bubble as our grandiosity is challenged and tempered. If our parents manage this carefully and lovingly, the result is an assertive and humble adult who can contribute to the world.
Not everyone has an ideal upbringing. When there is conflict or economic hardship in a society, the parental system is put under extreme stress. The parents become short-tempered, controlling and abusive to ensure some semblance of stability within the chaos of their world. The child’s bubble is not only challenged; it suddenly bursts. This leaves them exposed to the fear of abandonment and an extreme feeling of terror and insecurity.
Beyond mere survival, the child also needs a healthy sense of pride. They need to feel empowered within their world so they can be confident to act and thrive within it. When the child lives in an abusive dystopia of chaos and hardship, they have no hope of easing into the world with a healthy sense of pride. Instead, they become saturated in toxic shame, believing themselves to be unworthy and inept.
With the parents having no patience or love to give, nothing the child ever does is right. Also, because the parents have lost sight of the divinity of their offspring, they stop ‘seeing’ their child and attuning to them. Quite the opposite — they become judgemental and contemptuous. As a result, the child comes to believe themselves as unlovable and repulsive.
In reality, the parent is simply overwhelmed and struggling to survive. The parent themselves feels incapable of dealing with a chaotic world, and of course will only mirror this state to their child. What can be more frustrating than a helpless child bringing you down when even getting by is nearly impossible? Taking it out on the children becomes the path of least resistance as the craziness possesses the parent.
The child absorbs this all like a sponge, and without any way of understanding the reality, will be overwhelmed by feelings of terror and shame. This is enough to destroy the child once and for all.
