5 Examples Of Covert Narcissistic Abuse For The Uninitiated
A narcissist must always be special and superior to others. This much we know. There are many examples of the ways they achieve this. Showboating.Pretending. Talking over you. The covert narcissist, on the other hand, works in the shadows. They hypnotise you while relying on your lack of awareness of their covert narcissistic abuse. Rather than inflate themselves, they achieve a sense of superiority by deflating you instead.
The covert narcissist has two aims:
To enforce control over you.
To maintain a mismatch in the relationship, with you at the bottom.
On the surface, all seems fine when you are in a relationship with a covert narcissist. Meanwhile, the slow-acting poison of their covert narcissistic abuse sets in. That dark, heavy feeling of shame descends. You become less assertive, and less able to say no. You question yourself. Your legitimacy. Your right to speak out. How did this happen?
Awareness breaks the cycle. Here are five examples of covert narcissistic abuse which are difficult to spot:
Example 1: Comparing You To Others
During a discussion about your future, the covert narcissist reminds you that the next-door neighbour’s daughter is already engaged. As you chat about your health and fitness goals, the covert narcissist reminisces on how in-shape their ex was.
Comparison is one of the most brutal ways our inner critic shames us. We compare ourselves to others constantly, and the more we do, the worse we feel.
Yet we often forget that this subtle and cruel tactic can come from outside. So-and-so did it, why can’t you?Look at what so-and-so did, isn’t that great? In these two examples of covert narcissistic abuse, the first is an on-the-nose comparison, whereas the second example leaves it to you to make the comparison. In both cases, shame is the result.
The covert narcissist ‘innocently’ points something out, and their target is left to feel insufficient as a result. Even when it is done under the guise of supporting you, comparison is terribly shaming, and almost always counter-productive.
In the pursuit of a goal, comparison can spur healthy shame and encourage you to improve.
Yet the only healthy way to grow is by comparing yourself to your past self.
Each day is a chance to be better than you were yesterday. Each day is a chance to grow. What others are doing and what stage they are at is their business.
