Going No Contact From A Narcissist: A Battle Strategy
Going no contact from a narcissist can be a hellish experience, much like cold turkey after substance addiction.
If the narcissist has discarded you, it can feel like losing a limb overnight. The disorientation and sudden pain leaves you nauseous at the edge of a cliff. Even if you were the one to end the relationship due to the abuse, the pain and longings can torture you to the point of wanting to go back.
In any case, a clean break with a narcissist is rarely possible.
Preparing For War
Going no contact is a smart idea. Like a spreading cancer, however, it can feel like chemotherapy on your soul. Without no contact, the narcissistic cancer maintains open channels to continue its spread. This brutal override of your insatiable impulses will, in the long term, save your life.
Once you have declared no contact, the civil war begins. The terrible loneliness seeps in. Sleepless, anxiety-filled nights dominate your moon-lit hours. Torturous ruminations about what the narcissist is doing, and if they are thinking of you, circle you like vultures. The haunting sense of abandonment poisons your blood. The cutting agony of heartbreak whips you like a thousand lashes deep into your chest. The beautiful memories linger before you like a mirage. The warm longings for reunion and wholeness seduce you into wanting to return to the narcissist.
While it might be difficult to see when you are in the middle of it, the breakup is in fact revealing to you crucial truths. These messages are an important facet of the breakup which can be missed by those grieving and suffering. This can keep you from seeing the opportunities for growth which inherently lie within the no contact experience.
Like all wars, you need a strategy, and you need a plan for the ‘day after’. That is, you need to understand how you will get through the worst of it, and what awaits you on the other side.
The strategy for coping with and thriving after no contact is as follows:
Minimise Trigger Sources
This is widely documented already. Delete your photos with the narcissist. Block them on social media. Get rid of objects that remind you of them. Avoid places you went together. And so on. Any of these can trigger emotions, ruminations and longings in you which make letting go of the past vastly more difficult.
