The Intergenerational Narcissistic Family Explained
Family creates the strongest of bonds. As we grow, our family shapes us physically, spiritually and psychologically. We take on its customs, rituals and beliefs about the world. It is not only a group to which we belong, but an ideology which we inherit.
When you consider a family tree, you can see how one person’s belief system can trickle down and affect dozens and eventually hundreds of people through each generation. Usually, a child internalises a great deal from their family, but as they separate and actualise, they grow in unpredictable ways, and the influence of the family is diluted by the child’s experiences outside the home.
In the narcissistic family, the development of the child is much more tightly controlled, which means the influence of the family becomes more potent and absolute. The most frightening thing about the narcissistic family is that through this tendency toward isolation and gaslighting, one person’s delusional agenda can rain down over generations like a dark shadow, without anybody realising it.
Consider the following family tree:
A three-generation narcissistic family tree.
Bold: Parents (Head narcissist and spouse)
Italic: First generation (Children of narcissist)
Normal: Second generation (Grand-children of narcissist)
Jane is a malignant narcissist with a strong, controlling personality. Francisis a mild-mannered man with a dry sense of humour. Together they have four children; Fred, Harry, Bill and Christine. Because it is headed by a narcissist, their family takes on the structure of a typical narcissistic family, which is organised as follows:
Fred (Golden Child), who is the oldest, has a superiority complex, championed by his mother as the leader of the family. Fred respects his father but believes himself to be the strongest and wisest in the family.
Harry (Scapegoat) is the ‘angry one’ who receives the bulk of his mother’s and family’s criticism and ridicule. Harry resents Fred’s overpowering personality and bossiness, and they often fight.
