How To Go Toe-To-Toe With A Narcissist
When a person is centered, they feel at home in their body, confident in their intuition, and able to adapt and grow into the future. They remain ‘in flow’, and seem to have sixth sense for the ‘right’ way to approach life. A centred person is truly a force to be reckoned with, and cannot be easily manipulated or controlled.
A narcissist knocks you off centre using various methods: ridiculing you, judging you, questioning you, flattering you, ignoring you or pressing your sore buttons. All of these strategies aim to create spikes of emotions which challenge your homeostasis.
If you have childhood wounds around specific triggers, the emotional intensity will hit you like a Category Five storm. Your ability to reason, to observe and to be conscious is lost. You are in a reaction mode, jumping out of your skin because your emotional state is so uncomfortable.
If you do not catch on to what is going on, you will be vulnerable to manipulation for a painfully long time. Worse still, each ‘episode’ stacks onto your already existing core wounds and makes it easier to manipulate you in the future.
The Tools For Immunising Yourself From Narcissistic Abuse
The first step is awareness. You need to understand what being in a calm state is like, and then you need to feel the transition from this state into one of being triggered. You need to notice the emotions arising in real-time. Oh, that’s shame. That’s doubt. That’s anger. That’s sadness. That’s confusion. That’s dysregulation. That’s neediness. And so forth.
The next and most difficult step, however, is to create a container around those emotions. Can you relax your body and welcome the feelings? Can you remain aware and calm, even though every cell in your body is screaming in agony? Can you observe without reacting, even though your entire being is telling you to do something!!? If so, then you are becoming skilled in creating a container.
