The Narcissistic Women Who Fetishize Flawed Men
In the jungle that is the dating scene, there is an odd couple which I often observe, and which has recently been on my mind: The strikingly-beautiful woman and the awkward-looking guy.
To the naked eye, it appears that the man is ‘punching above his weight’, which may be sufficient enough for most people.
Yet my eye is far from naked. I look upon such couples through the thick lens of hard-earned experience, as well as a deep understanding of personality disorders. What I therefore see, is not one narcissist, but two — with a unique twist. One looks, talks and acts like a narcissist, yet is not, while the other seems nothing like a narcissist, yet actually is.
That’s right, we have in this couple a wolf in sheep’s clothing, dating a sheep in wolf’s clothing — and both of them are fooling each other.
The Vixen And Her ‘Man’
What strikes me about the women in such relationships is not just their beauty. They tend to also have impeccable posture, effortless body movement, and an ice-cold demeanour. They usually have a chic outfit on with flawless makeup. Every facet of their appearance looks to have been carefully considered. They never make a sudden movement, betray their emotions, or show any trace of insecurity. They remain calm and collected at all times. Eerily calm. They hold an exceptionally strong frame, and in many cases, incorporate masculine fashion pieces into their style. Trousers. A suit jacket. Something to send the message that you are not dealing with a ‘girly’ girl.
Even with their cold demeanour, they still manage to ooze sex appeal. Yet not the intoxicating, outflowing kind, but rather the contained, held-in-a cage kind. You can see it, but are unable to feel or access it. This vixen of a woman is like a model in a magazine. She is alluring, seductive and out-of-this-world beautiful with a glossy coating. Yet that is all she remains. You can only look.
Then I turn my attention to her boyfriend, and I grow unsettled at my first thought: It feels like I’m looking at a mother with her young son.
Punching Above His Weight
In comparison to his symmetrical, flawless vixen, something seems off with this guy. He might be wearing mismatched clothes with mismatched colours. Where his girlfriend has a carefully-selected outfit and accessories, he seems to have tossed anything on. In other cases, he also has on a stylish outfit, yet seems to carry it awkwardly, as though he had not chosen it. Funnily enough, it looks similar to hers.
Her perfect face is straight out of a magazine, showing no signs of wear. His wrinkled face looks tired and disproportionate. His eyes seem sad, and his demeanour broadcasts that he’s not sure of himself. His body might be gangly and skinny like a boy’s, and his mouth turned down into a frown. His vixen looks unimpressed while occasionally giving the odd smirk. He appears insecure and unsure of himself. Most telling of all: He dawdles behind his striding girlfriend, who always takes the front position when they walk. It’s almost as though she has him on a leash.
Judging by appearance alone, it makes no sense. What is she doing with him?the uninitiated person might ask. To answer that question, we need to move beyond the outer form of this odd couple, and delve into their psychology.
Alpha/Beta Ping Pong
The clue to the vixen’s psychology lies in her eyes. They tend to be sharp and glittery, while seething with an almost imperceptible rage.
Such women usually come from matriarchal homes with weak or absent fathers. Their mothers were often equally striking when they were young, with an equally-striking vicious streak. That is, once you get to know them, and touch upon their triggers, that calm, chilly demeanour quickly turns to fire. Their sudden bite proves poisonous.
Over time, a picture emerges. The vixen has a history of dating highly-masculine or successful men — as well as their weaker opposite. The vixen claims to yearn for a man capable of handling her intensity, but seems to run into inevitable conflicts with such men. After all, alpha men tend to do what alphas do: They set boundaries and put her in her place. This is too much for her to handle, and she grows furious and leaves.
While licking her wounds, she decides to go for someone ‘safer’. She meets this awkward guy who is somehow also fascinating and handsome — in his own way. He brings intrigue to the table. Perhaps he’s an artist or runs a successful business. His lifestyle and sexual tastes are unusual. He is justappealing enough to draw the vixen’s interest. And best of all, he doesn’t have the abruptness and boundaries of those asshole alphas.
Unlike those guys, this man is enraptured with the vixen. He sees and treats her like the queen she knows she is. He also seems to go along with whatever she suggests. He’s receptive and empathic to her emotions. She feels safe with him, enough to share her hopes and dreams about the future. Oddly enough, he wants the same things.
But she’s no silly girl. Her brain is ticking, analysing everything about him. While he seems to have some semblance of a normal life, a deeper look shows that he’s a bit of a loner. He does have friends and hobbies, but they prove to be surface-level. Nothing he can’t be convinced to toss aside.
The vixen and her new man go on numerous dates, which involve deep sharing of their past relationships and childhood traumas. Nothing is taboo. Their sex life, their heartbreaks, their deepest desires. The guy reveals that he has a troubled relationship with his family. He has an especially wounded relationship with his mother. That’s good, says an unconscious voice in her head. That makes him malleable. He can be flexible to her designs.
He has a darkness about him, a sense of woundedness. The vixen knows that his sheen of confidence is paper thin, covering his fickle self-esteem. It’s written all over his face. She senses that she can easily control and manipulate him.
The vixen believes she has met the perfect guy; the ideal blend between her dream man and a ‘safe’ guy who can be controlled. The ultimate compromise. If she can’t have the alphas wrapped around her fingers, she will have this guy instead. Her trap is set.
What she doesn’t know, however, is that she is walking into a trap. It is not only her new man’s confidence which is fake. In fact, their entire relationship is a fantasy, custom-made just for her. She is about to get attached to a covert narcissist. A man with an emptiness where a heart should be, hidden by a personality fuelled by grandiose projections.
As for the covert narcissist, he too is walking into a trap. Date by date, kiss after kiss, one love-making session after the other, a spider’s web is being woven around him by a psychopathic borderline.
Mrs. ‘I Will Fix Him’
At their core, vixens are borderlines — they are drowning in overwhelming emotion while dreaming of finding a man to be their rock. However, they also have the ‘gift’ of a narcissistic false self. To top it off, they are endowed with the calculating, vicious mind of a psychopath. Yet they are neither narcissist nor psychopath; they merely possess their traits on top of their borderline pathology.
